The Short and the Long of it – Fertility & Feelings Podcast

Introducing the Short and the Long of it - Fertility & Feelings podcast with Emma & Lara

For anyone going through fertility treatment or want to know more about it …two (psychologist) friends talk about their fertility journeys (one in it & one successfully out the other side), their experiences, emotions, and coping tactics.
 
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Fertility – Stress and Overwhelm

Struggling with fertility can be overwhelming, and the stress is real - studies even compare it to the impact of a major medical diagnosis. In this episode, we dive into the emotional toll, what happens when stress tips into overwhelm, and the coping strategies that help. 
As you'll see, in the excitement of it all, we even get the name of the podcast wrong  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Episode Notes
2:32 - definition of stress2:46 - definition of overwhelm3:07 - the reality of dealing with infertility/ IVF7:15 - IVF without NHS funding & big career moves9:27 - financial funding / packages10:54 - the impact of stress and infertility14:34 - being everything to everyone16:54 - when stress tips into overwhelm17:38 - not fit for human consumption days 18:26 - effort doesn’t always equal reward20:25 - fertility burnout 21:33 - infertility is like running a marathon23:33 - draining your stress bucket25:20 - grabbing moments of self-care 26:34 - telling other people you’ve failed28:43 - supporting your mind as much as your body29:57 - control and giving yourself permission to hope31:23 - trust and communication with your partner32:08 - being stressed about being stressed36:35 - infertility is a unique stress37:19 - coping mechanisms and creating space for yourself39:04 - reconciling with the idea that it’s not working40:52 - wallowing in the darkness when it all gets too much 42:33 - talking about feelings with your partner46:29 - the stress of disenfranchised grief 48:30 - opening up and finding your tribe50:40 - motherhood is a gift57:06 - recap of coping mechanisms
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Fertility - Shame & Guilt

Experiencing failures when trying to conceive and the associated feelings of shame can be debilitating.  In this episode we talk about how shame can hold us back from making connections, getting the support you need and remind you that you are not defined by a failure and are never alone.
Episode Notes
1:42 - definition of shame3:24 - definition of guilt5:32 - the difference between shame and guilt6:39 - it’s not all on you, it’s not your fault8:26 - an essential mindset shift to help deal with feelings of shame10:13 - shame triggers12:23 - shame requires constant self-talk13:00 - judgement and your shame bubble14:07 - when other things going well make your question yourself 15:07 - slipping into a lack of trust around others16:55 - guilt and engaging with the world 20:01 - shame makes you question your identity20:50 - separating yourself and facts from your thoughts 22:31 - what happens in a shame spiral23:57 - the expectation reality gap25:17 - feeling pregnant - motivator or fear?28:43 - will my partner leave me?30:16 - does visualisation work?32:54 - the stories you tell yourself 34:17 - belonging and feeling accepted35:58 - personality traits and building resilience37:07 - the value in saying ‘everything is fine’38:05 - everyone needs a f*ck it switch40:09 - unpicking your brain42:29 - dealing with a Big Fat Negative53:01 - you are not your failure55:30 - navigating compassion and comfort1:01:11 - we’re all human, emotions are normal
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Fertility – Envy & Resentment

Seeing everyone around you getting pregnant whilst you're TTC can leave you battling the difficult feelings of envy and resentment. In this episode we dive into things that trigger these emotions, ways we try to cope and what happens when thoughts get dark and slip into schadenfreude. Wait until the end to hear our candid conversations about Lara's 4th egg collection and how she was feeling going into it.
Episode Notes
00:45 - definition of envy & resentment02:02 - realising you are fallible03:53 - Emma's resentment story06:50 - driving your relationships away08:53 - managing your mind09:09 - why envy isn't a bad emotion 10:40 - are you telling yourself false stories?13:58 - having an internal temper tantrum15:16 - Lara's resentment story17:16 - the slippery slope of resentment18:50 - searching for the good in every situation21:00 - dragging yourself back from "better than" thinking20:20 - another false narrative: societal expectation24:35 - being the second wife25:14 - balancing your career with your fertility29:10 - unexpected triggers can hit you out of no where32:20 - the grass isn't always greener33:19 - spotting resentment before it strikes36:14 - when resentment slips into schadenfreude38:45 - stories of hope41:17 - learning to cope48:30 - Lara's upcoming "IVF Bootcamp"

Fertility – Anxiety & Worry

If you're struggling with infertility then anxiety and worry are likely not far behind. From the fear of the unknown, the impact of medication on your body, the monthly disappointments and 'what if' this doesnt work or I'm getting too old. In this episode we talk about the very different ways anxiety has shown up for us both and things we've tried to help ease the constant stream of worry. This is the episode where we probably reveal waaaaay too much and you'll see that what works for one, doesn't always work for all.
Show Notes
0:23 Definition of anxiety & worry1:10 The surprising thing about worrying2:22 The pros and cons of anxiety2:48 How anxiety manifests throughout our infertility journeys7:05 The self limiting impact of constantly worrying7:47 Seeing the humour during your times8:59 There is always a solution attitude10:03 Learning to ask more questions and not taking things at face value12:13 The high stakes of IVF13:34 When the worried thoughts creep in15:48 Pelvic therapy... what is left to control?!16:45 Learning to let go17:45 When anxiety tips into dispair & the benefit of options19:59 Day to day vs long term worries21:26 When age anxiety creeps in23:10 High energy vs low energy states24:20 Hitting a nerve, literally and metaphorically 26:50 Training your brain to control the constant worrying31:33 When you don't need an answer - just to let it out36:12 How to de-escalate your body & mind when in panic mode40:38 Why singing can do more than lift your mood43:05 Getting out of your head and into your body45:21 There's a medical reason to explain why you feel the way you do47:27 When all else fails... don't worry about the worry or get anxious about the anxietyFollow MYND.FLO to join the community – www.instagram.com/mynd.flo

Fertility – Disappointment & Anger

Let’s be real — when you’re going through infertility, disappointment and even full-blown anger are just part of the ride. In this episode, we’re getting honest about our own ups and downs with these tough emotions and sharing what’s actually helped us cope. We’re chatting about everything from manifestation and faith purchases to prayer, list-making, feedback loops, mindset shifts, and good old reality checks. If you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed, this one’s packed with real talk and resilience tips to help you through it.
Show Notes
0:35 - Definition of disappointment / regret2:45 - How disappointment plays out during infertility5:05 - How regret causes you to beat yourself up7:50 - Waves of disappoinment9:13 - Big build ups lead to the biggest crashes 10:45 - Our views on manifestation12:03 - Fantasy land vs managing expectations14:35 - We place our hands in science but it doesn't always have the answer15:35 - Faith purchases and do they help?18:53 - Other people telling you it's guarenteed is infuriating22:41 - Reassessing the expectation barometer25:23 - Understanding your resilience to manage disappoinment27:00 - The power of exercise to help you process29:00 - Exercising your brain30:04 - Unexpected ways to switch off your mind and get into a flow state

Fertility – Excitement & Dread

In this episode, we're switching things up slightly as Lara takes us inside her recent "IVF Bootcamp" experience and the results of her 4th egg collection.
We're also chatting about the surprising similarities between excitement and dread and the times we've felt both bubbling away during our fertility rollercoaster rides. Stick the kettle on and come and join us!
Show Notes:
0:12 - What happens during an IVF "bootcamp"?4:44 - Lara's 4th egg collection results7:50 - Definition of excitement & dread9:31 - Emma's biggest moment of dread10:33 - When your embryologist gets excited12:58 - What's next for Lara juggling three clinics?13:50 - The surprising similarity between excitement and anxiety15:35 - Lara's biggest moment of dread17:50 - When dread and excitement combine in one pee20:40 - When a positive pregnancy test brings up feelings of dread23:35 - Early pregnancy scares26:20 - Lara's next transfer protocol28:29 - What made the difference in Emma's successful cycle 30:55 - When Emma reached peak levels of excitement 35:05 -  Emma predicts Lara's next transfer outcome.. You heard it here first!35:06 - Letting your older children in on the excitement37:47 - Reflecting on how Lara is feeling about her upcoming transfer
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Fertility – Grief, Despair & Sadness

This week, we’re opening up about the side of infertility that doesn’t always get airtime: the grief, despair, deep, lingering sadness.
We talk about why infertility can feel like a cycle of constant loss, what disenfranchised grief really means, and how we’ve each coped (or crumbled) along the way.
From crying in toilet cubicles to facing the big “what if it never happens?”, this one’s honest and raw.
We also share what’s helping us cope. From catching intrusive thoughts early, to creating space for grief (even when it’s messy).
If you’re in the thick of it, or just need to feel a little less alone, we’re right here with you.
 
Notes:
0:20 - What's knocked Emma since reflecting on the last episode?3:00 - Definitions of sadness, dispair and grief6:05 - Infertility is a cyclical griefing process08:17 - Grief is as unique as your fingerprint08:39 - What is disenfranchised grief?10:00 - Self-imposing grief and deciding on the end point11:05 - How can you grieve infertility when it's not tangible?11:35 - The neuroplasticity of grief and how your mind processes grief13:20 - What if a child never materialises?15:38 - Grief just wants space18:45 - Understanding infertility if you've never experienced it19:38 - The reality of talking about grief out loud23:58 - Breaking down grief and how it played out for us both31:15 - Is it possilbe to get to a place for acceptance?34:39 - Feeling sad for all the strong women going through this36:15 - Hiding in a toilet cubicle crying37:41 - When dispair hits you hard 40:10 - Catching catastrophic thoughts early41:08 - Starting to prepare for the 'what if's' and the worst 47:02 - What is helping Lara deal with this journey51:40 - Looking back on Emma's journey54:12 - Coping with intrusive thoughts59:00 - Final reflections
 
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